How to Use Co-Regulation with Children Who Are Having Difficulty with Self-Regulation

As parents or caregivers, we all want our children to develop strong self-regulation skills that enable them to manage their emotions and behavior effectively. However, some children struggle with self-regulation, and this can lead to challenging behaviors and difficulties with social interactions. In these situations, co-regulation can be an effective strategy to support children in regulating their emotions and behavior.

Co-regulation is the process of supporting another person’s emotional and behavioral regulation through empathetic attunement, soothing behaviors, and responsive communication. It involves being present with the child, listening to their needs, and offering support and guidance as needed. Co-regulation helps children learn how to regulate their own emotions and behaviors by modeling and practicing healthy regulation strategies.

Co-Regulation Strategies

1. Validate their emotions: Children who struggle with self-regulation may have intense emotional reactions to situations that seem minor to others. It’s important to validate their emotions by acknowledging how they feel, even if you don’t agree with their perspective. This can help the child feel heard and understood, which is essential for co-regulation.
2. Use calm and soothing tones: Dysregulated children may respond negatively to loud or intense tones. When co-regulating, it’s important to use a calm and soothing voice that communicates empathy and understanding. This can help the child feel safe and supported, which is essential for co-regulation.
3. Practice deep breathing: Deep breathing is a powerful tool for regulating emotions and reducing stress. When co-regulating, encourage the child to take deep breaths with you. This can help them to calm down and regulate their emotions.
4. Engage in sensory play: Sensory play can be a fun and engaging way to help children regulate their emotions. This can include activities such as playing with playdough, squishing stress balls, or engaging in other tactile activities. Sensory play can help children focus their attention and reduce feelings of stress and anxiety.
5. Provide a safe and structured environment: Children who struggle with self-regulation may feel overwhelmed in chaotic or unstructured environments. When co-regulating, provide a safe and structured environment that supports healthy regulation. This can include setting clear boundaries and routines and creating a calm and peaceful atmosphere.
6. Offer choices: Offering choices can be a powerful tool for co-regulation. When a child is dysregulated, they may feel like they have no control over their situation. By offering choices, you can give them a sense of agency and control, which can help them to regulate their emotions and behavior.
7. Use positive reinforcement: Positive reinforcement can be an effective tool for promoting healthy regulation behaviors. When co-regulating, offer praise and positive feedback for behaviors that promote healthy regulation, such as taking deep breaths or engaging in sensory play. This can help children feel empowered and motivated to continue practicing healthy regulation strategies.

Here are some specific strategies for co-regulation that parents and caregivers can use to support children who are having difficulty with self-regulation:

Bonus Strategies

Here are some additional tips for using co-regulation with children:

• Be patient and understanding. It takes time for children to learn how to regulate their emotions.
• Be consistent. The more you use co-regulation, the more effective it will be.
• Be positive. Focus on the child’s successes, not their failures.
• Don’t give up. It may take time, but eventually, the child will learn how to regulate their emotions on their own.

Co-regulation can be a powerful tool for supporting children who are struggling with self-regulation. By using these strategies, parents and caregivers can provide the support and guidance that children need to regulate their emotions and behavior effectively. Over time, with practice and modeling, children can develop strong self-regulation skills that enable them to thrive in social interactions and navigate challenging situations with confidence and resilience.